THE LONELY FROG

A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.

His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"

"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."

THOSE NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY PETS

A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack". The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another".
The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".

As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"

The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her."

The bartender says "Geez, what did you say."

The man says " I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"

THE TALKING PARROTS

A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!"

BIZARRE REAL LIFE ANIMAL LAWS

In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.

It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm in Norfolk, Virginia.

Ducks quacking after 10 pm in Essex Falls, New Jersey are breaking the law.

In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits.

In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts.

In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours.

In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset.

In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday.

In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is permanently closed.

In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman.

French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law requiring all black cats to wear bells on Friday the 13th.

Madison, Wisconsin, will not allow joint custody of a family pet when a couple divorces - the animal is legally awarded to whoever happens to have possession of it at the time of the initial separation.

Dogs in Foxpoint, Wisconsin, may not bark profusely, snarl, or make any menacing gestures.

In Texas, it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow.

It is illegal to ride a mule down Lang, Kansas' Main Street in August, unless the animal is wearing a straw hat.

Over in Berea, Kentucky and also in Willamantic, Connecticut, horses are not allowed out on the streets and highways at night unless the animal has a "bright" red taillight securely attached to its rump.

Horses may not wear cowbells inside the city limits of Tahoe City, California.

In Washington, though, every cow wandering the streets of Seattle must be wearing a cowbell.

In Burns, Oregon, horses are allowed in the town's taverns, if an admission fee is paid before they enter.

You can't blow your nose in public places in Leahy, Washington, because it might scare a horse and cause it to panic.

In Wanassa, New Jersey, a dog is breaking the law if it is heard to be "crying."

UPSETTING THE STEWARDESS

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a coke, you cow!"

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a coke for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another coke dogface!"

Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another coke but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now you old goat!"

The next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.

Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly, you've got some guts!"

Bully Breeds Magazine

Has anyone seen this magazine?

I found it at the local pet store when I was buying dog food this
morning. Since I NEVER seen anything about this breed I grabbed the
magazine and announced "Oh! I want this!!" Well....when I realized the
magazine was $9.99 I almost fainted, but I purchased it anyway. :)

I don't know if its new or not, but it is published by Dog Fancy
Magazine. Since there is so little out there about this breed I
thought you might be interested in looking for it.

I have not had a chance to do more than thumb through it yet, but from
what I have seen it is a very positive look at all the bully breeds.

Oh, and Nero is officially on a diet now. Vet says on July 15th he
will be considered totally heart worm free and ready to be
rambunctious and speedy again. Time to lose a little weight also....he
weighed in at 70.6 pounds at vets on Monday. She agreed he was a
little bit on the plump side. :)

Dana
Ignorance is not a barrier to
self expression.

Petsmart

Hi everyone - I copied an email I received............It is actually from
a newsletter (http://www.pitbulllovers.com/) which I love his website and
maybe you will find it interesting and informative..............


Anyhow here it is, and I can guarantee you I will NOT be giving Petsmart any
money in the future!!!!!!!

Ang

I wanted to bring something to your attention today that
I find ridiculous. Once again the powers that be are singling
out the breed and keeping them from being dogs.

This time it's not a big city or town. No. This time it's your
neighborhood PetSmart.

PetSmart offers Doggie Day Camps. These camps are
supposed to be...

"Your best friend can spend the day in one of our climate-controlled
play rooms playing with other dogs and our safety-certified,
pet-loving staff trained in behavior assessment."

I love the part about "pet-loving staff." I guess that doesn't go
for the corporate headquarters that makes millions off of Bully
breed owners each year.

They take your money, but won't take your dogs. From their
site...

Quote:
"Who may not attend?

* Intact (unneutered) male dogs or pregnant females
* Dogs who haven't been socialized with other dogs
* Dogs in the "bully breed" classification (e.g. Pit Bull Terriers,
American Pit Bull Terriers, American Staffordshire Terriers,
Staffordshire Bull Terriers, American Bull Dogs or mixed breeds
that have the appearance or characteristics of one of these breeds)
* Wolves/wolf hybrids"
End Quote

I have contacted their corporate public relations department for
answers. I have asked them to explain their policy and why
they single out bully breeds or any breed related to them
(Including American Bulldogs) and I for one am never going
to step foot in another one of their stores and will be removing
the toy links on my site to their website too.

It is their decision not to include the breeds. That is a business
decision and it's their right to do so. I am not saying you can't
tell me I can't come to your doggie day camp, I'm asking WHY
can't I come to your doggie day camp and it better be a good
reason other than, "Statistics show..." or some other pathetic
excuse.

We give this franchise millions a year and they have the nerve
to lump our breed into a "banned" position simply because
they are a specific breed.

Wait, they have trained staff in behavior assessment. I guess
our breed presents a challenge to their staff. Well, can you
think of a different reason?

I sure can't.

I will be reporting on the progress I make with PetSmart
here in the Gazette and when I get their official reply I
will post it here for you to review too.

In the mean time, go to http://www.Google.com and
type in, "PetSmart Doggie Day Camps" and you will
be given their Doggie Day Camp page. Visit the page
and notice that the quote above is exactly as it appears
on their site.

Once again, we are kept from things other dog owners (who
have worse dogs than we do!) are allowed to take part
in because we choose a great breed with heart and courage
over the foo-foo dress up dogs.

Contact their customer service and ask them why that is.

Dog training by dove cresswell

At 25, Dove Cresswell has already earned a reputation as a well-known
professional animal trainer for film, television, and commercials. Dove
has experience training many different breeds of dogs. She has also
trained large reptiles, rodents, birds, deer, and dogs of all sizes.
She's worked on many feature films: Saved!, A Guy Thing, The Core, K9
III: Private Eye, Liberty Stands Still and Sam's Lake; TV shows: Romeo,
Dark Angel, Behind the Camera: Charlie's Angels, The Fearing Mind,
Magician's House, and Cougar Crossings; and commercials: Kohl's Dept.
Store, Blockbuster Video, Bell Canada, and BC Credit Unions.
Recently, we had a chance to sit down with Dove to share some of her
insights on dog training and how she happened to develop such an
amazing dog training program.
http://doghousetraininganfw.storiesfrom.us/home.htm

the foot rule

There is a formula for figuring out how bed space is allocated. It is
called
the "FootRule". You start by determining the total number of feet (as in
those at the end of the legs, not the kind made up by inches). Then you
divide that total by the number of feet belonging to the person(s) or
dog(s)
in question.
This is how it works:
You and husband share your bed with 1 dog. You and your spouse total 4
feet
and the dog also has 4 feet. That is a total of 8 feet. The dog has 4
out of
8 feet or 50%, therefore, the dog gets 50% of the bed. You could work
this in reverse as well. You have 2 out of 8 feet or 25% and
so does your spouse, so each of you gets 25% and the dog gets 50%. Now I
have 5 dogs. At 4 feet per dog, that is 20 feet. Add to that my 2 feet
and we have a total of 22 feet in the bed. I have 2 out of 22 feet which
is
1/11th or 9.1% of the bed. The dogs, since they share a total of 20 of
22
feet, get 10/11ths or 90.9% of the bed. Simple isn't it?! Once I figured
out my percentage of the bed space, the next step was to work
out the exact area that I am entitled to. My bed is a California King
which
is approximately 6 ft x 7 ft. Here is the math: 6 ft x 7 ft = 42 square
feet
42 square feet = 6048 square inches
9.1% of 6048 = 550 square inches
550 square inches = 45.8 total inches
45.8 inches = 3.8 total feet
In order to determine the exact size of my bed space, I needed to know
the
percentage of length to width - this comes out to 54% long to 46% wide.
When
I apply these percentages to my spot:
550 square inches x 54% = 297 square inches 550 square inches x 46% =
253
square inches
297 square inches = 24.7 inches
253 square inches = 21.1 inches
24.7 inches = 2.1 feet
21.1 inches = 1.8 feet
Now that the math's are all done, the figures show that the dimensions
of my
part of the bed are 2.1 feet by 1.8 feet or in other words, I sleep on
my
pillow.

Cats and tuna?

Why is it that tuna is so attractive to cats? Mine, when she has eaten
and does not want anything anymore, will keep running for canned tuna
if it were available.

I understand that tuna should be fed sparingly. Is that because of
absence of balanced nutrition, which I can try to address, or presence
of harmful things like sodium, which is more difficult to address? I
found a low sodium tuna at Trader Joe's, is that acceptable?

Boycott Gettysburg

Link to Gettysburg photos showing the Gettysburg battlefield before
superintendent John Latschar's ego ran amok and ruined it.
http://users.snip.net/~hart/

We loved Gettysburg: married there, took dozens of week-long trips, spent
many thousands of dollars there, and even considered moving there. But those
days are over thanks to park superintendent John Latschar. He's ruining the
Gettysburg battlefield. He calls it restoration. Desecration is more
descriptive. If we spent another dime we'd be supporting the destruction. We
refuse.

Trees are being ripped out wholesale. The deer have been slaughtered.
Visiting on a November evening is an experience everyone should be able to
enjoy, but he shortened the decades-old operating hours so you'll be
ticketed and labeled criminals. He threw up so many one-way signs that
traffic in town has become a tourist's nightmare. His nonsense goes on and
on.

He likes saying, "The time for comment was during the planning, not now."
Well, Bozo, the public DID and continues to comment, but you ignore them.
Tens of 1000s have voiced their concern, but you act as though the
Gettysburg battlefield is your own private domain to use and abuse as you
please. It belongs to the taxpayers, not an arrogant, government-appointed
bureaucratic freeloader.

Gettysburg battlefield ghost hunters have been turned away in droves because
he equates them with drug users and drinkers. What a moron. Not only is the
town losing a fortune toward the local economy, the park is losing thousands
of watchful eyes from some of the most respectful visitors. Those with evil
intent will always gain access at night as was proven by recent vandalism.
Closing the park merely keeps honest folks out. John Latschar has, in
effect, given vandals free rein.

Attendance is lagging. He blames everything except his own bumbling. He
constantly moans about never having enough money to fix rotting cannons,
monuments and buildings, yet continues wasting funds on mindnumbingly
senseless projects that divide the townspeople and drives others away. It's
typical government ineptness.

Looks like John Latschar sits around dreaming up new ways to piss people
off. If he's not shooting the wildlife, cutting down 100s of acres of trees,
changing the hours or screwing up traffic flow, he'll devise some other
dumbass plan. Chances are he'll eventually move on to another location
leaving his mess and debts behind for someone else. It wouldn't be the first
time.

What's worse than allowing John Latschar to inflict so much damage to the
Gettysburg battlefield? Most of you sit idly by and let it happen without so
much as a whimper. Talk is cheap, but a Gettysburg boycott speaks volumes.
We're doing our part. Good bye Gettysburg. You were our favorite place on
Earth until John Latschar raped you. Now you're just a memory. What a pity
and disgrace.

Cassie and Tom
http://users.snip.net/~hart/

Cats Chewing Cords

my Simese thats just over a year old just started chewing Power cords
and anyother cord she can.. please help me with ideas so she will stop
we love her lots.. but this is becomeing a problem.

Mike

Hmmm.. cat is keeping one eye closed...

One of our cats is keeping one of her eyes closed... dunno how long
she's been doing that. I'll have to tell my parents when they get how
and see if maybe they want to take her to the vet.

By weird coincidence, one of our dogs was been taking cream for a
problem with one of HER eyes, the vet said in her case it was
something age related, and not contagious, but still... weird
coincidence, huh?

Hopefully it's nothing too bad...

kittens and fleas

hi there. We brought in a new kitten this weekend from the local aspca.
she'd been there for two weeks and they had treated her in some way for
fleas. she is ten weeks old now. unfortunately she brought fleas with her.
they appear to be proliferating. So, what is the current advice for
treating 10 week old kittens for fleas? is a flea bath ok? she is set to
see the vet for her next round of shots next Monday but we'd like to cut
these fleas off sooner if at all possible.

TIA -
Aula

Three Reasons To Own A Cat Instead Of A Dog

Over the past 25 years that I have been a cat owner I have narrowed
down the many reasons for having a cat as a companion to three main
reasons.

When I am trying to convince dog owners on the advantages of owning a
cat, this is what I tell them.

Reason one: Cats are a low maintains pet compared to dogs.
I have 4 cats sharing my house with me and my wife. They eat dry food
from one feeder that I fill once a day. Same with the water.

We have four litter boxes located in strategic places in the house. I
scoop these boxes every day and It takes me less then 10 minuets. Try
walking 4 dogs in that amount of time and clean up after them.

My wife and I travel for up to four days and leave the cats unattended.
The worse we come home to is a 4 full litter boxes. Leave 4 dogs alone
and I wouldn't want to come home.

Reason two: Cats are really more social animals then dogs.
Dogs are pack animals by nature and sees their owners as the dominate
dog in the pack. That's why you can smack a dog and he will most
likely come back to you, try smacking a cat and you won't see it
again no time soon.

Our four cats have their own social order and have let us into the mix.
If you bring your cat indoors and make it part of the family it will
entertain you with more social behaviors than a dog.

Reason three: The size of most cats make them ideal pets.
It pains me to see people that live in apartments that own a big dog.
The cats size makes it the perrrfect (I couldn't resist) companion
for apartment dwellers. A good size apartment will be big enough for
one or two cats to have enough space.

I suppose I should add one or two arguments that you may have to face
when convincing dog owners to give Fido the heave ho and get a real
pet.

The old argument of " I allergic to cats" can be countered with the
fact that they now have hypoallergenic cats. Tell them to Google it and
then go get a cat.

The last obstacle you may face is what I call the Fear Factor. Some
people are deathly afraid of cats. When I have a visit from one of
these people I try and get them and one of may cats locked in the
bathroom for at least an hour. Most of the time it works but keep the
phone line clear in case you have to dial 911. Want more cat stories?
Visit http://www.catnews.org

Hemingways Cats

Article from Today's Guardian - seems bit heavy handed/petty?

A catfight has broken out in America's southernmost town over the future of
some of its famous citizens - dozens of six-toed felines descended from a
pet belonging to the writer Ernest Hemingway.
It is thought 46 of the unusual cats roam the grounds of the author's former
home, which welcomes hundreds of thousands of visitors each year as a museum
to "Papa" and the classic novels he wrote there, including To Have and Have
Not and For Whom the Bell Tolls.

The US department of agriculture wants to fine the museum's owners up to
$200 (ё107) a day for "exhibiting" the animals without a licence, according
to a lawsuit filed in Miami, but the trustees insist that tourists pay to
see the house, of which the cats are merely residents.
"They're comparing the Hemingway house to a circus or a zoo because there
are cats on the premises," said Cara Higgins, the museum's lawyer. "This is
not a travelling circus. These cats have been here for ever."

About half of the Hemingway cats are polydactyl, or mitten cats, meaning
they have extra toes on their front or back paws. Often named after actors,
artists and philosophers, current popular residents include Archibald
MacLeish, Pablo Picasso and Simone de Beauvoir.

Hemingway received a female called Snow White as a gift from a ship's
captain in Key West in 1935, and its descendants have enjoyed free rein at
the house since it opened as a museum in 1964, three years after the author
committed suicide.

The dispute has reached Miami's district court, where the museum wants a
federal judge to rule on whether it needs a licence under the Animal Welfare
Act.

"We're asking the judge to let us know whether this act applies to the cats,
and if so why that is if the animals are not in commerce," Ms Higgins said.
"If it's something to do with the number of cats, how many do we have to get
rid of to be in compliance?"

Steve Trogner, a guide at the Hemingway House, said the cats were hugely
popular with visitors. "They're unique. Each one has its own character, and
they're fiercely independent," he said.

Tartar fighting. Do I have to spend a forture on food?

I was just hoping to get an opinion about cat food and a cat's
dental health.

On the advice of my vet I fed my last cat Hill's t/d cat food because it
was good for her and excellent for her teeth (and many of us know how
terrible tooth problems can be with cats).

So I have two new cats (Kitty passed away a year and a half ago) and I'm
continuing with Hill's t/d. But the cost! These two are eating machines
and can go through a ten pound bag ($44) in no time.

I definitely want the best for them and am concerned about their having
very healthy teeth. But is there a less expensive brand than Hill's??? To
make matters worse, when I picked up a new bag yesterday at the vet's, they
told me you can *only* buy Hill's t/d at a vet's office. That's not very
convenient.

Any and all advice about good healthy, tartar fighting cat food would be
most appreciated.

David in Toronto